|
|
|
In the past two months here at The Refuge we as staff and volunteers have witnessed relational stresses and break-ups that have impacted over 40 lives. Some of these relationships have been together for just a month or two, others have been in tact for years. Some involve the parting of a father from his children and others the parting of a father from his unborn child. Regardless of the situation, this February 14th will be particularly hard for them and for many dealing with emotional stresses.
Nate (not his real name) has been coming to The Refuge for years. Several years ago Nate moved away from Oshawa and began to pursue a better life. He met a young lady and they eventually got married. Soon after the wedding Nate experienced problems with his wife's family that resulted in him being the target of physical aggression by being pushed through a storefront window in Toronto. The impact that this event had on Nate's body was severe. He was rushed to a downtown hospital and placed in critical care. During his recovery in hospital, Nate called his family and old friends to let them know what had happened. His family did not care about what had happened and his old friends seemed to have disappeard. Nate's wife was being kept away from him by her family and he suddenly found himself alone. In his lonliness he dediced to call 'home' ... that is, he decided to call The Refuge.
I spoke to Nate that day for quite some time. We talked about what had happened. We talked about the weather. We talked about anything at all. I invited him to call collect whenever he wanted to talk. The Refuge also sent him a 'care pack' with pencils, paper, books, treats, and games that might bring a smile to his face and make his day brighter. After his recovery, we only heard from Nate every once in a while through facebook.
Several days ago Nate once again appeared at The Refuge. He told us that his marriage had fallen apart and that his wife had left him and that he was once again alone. He told me that he had come back to The Refuge because this was his 'family' and 'home' and that we have always been here for him ... that we don't judge and reject him ... that he is always welcome here.
And it is true; Nate is always welcome here. He will not be rejected nor judged and he will always experience directly the love that Jesus Christ has for him through the actions and words of the staff and volunteers of The Refuge. When experiencing relational stress, Nate knew where he could go to find some healing and relief ... he came back to The Refuge.
Relational stress is very real (as many of us know) and is listed amongst the highest stressors in life. According to marriage and family therapist Pat Swan (M.S., CMFT), "More than 90 percent of my clients suffering from depression, anxiety or other mental illnesses have one primary complaint--relationship problems at work or at home.". However, relational stress is just one of the many stress factor in life. Our response and approach to the mirriad of stressors that we experience can sometimes be the difference between life and death.
In 1967, psychiatrists Thomas Holmes and Richard Rahe examined the medical records of over 5,000 individuals as a way to determine whether stressful events may be behind physical illnesses. Patients were asked to tally a list of 43 life events based on a relative score. A positive correlation was found between their life events and physical illness. Their results were published as the Social Readjustment Rating Scale also known as the Holmes and Rahe Stress Scale. The study was completed again in 1970 with 2,500 military sailors and the results verified the validity of the stress scale.
According to the scale, the top five stressors in life are:
| 1. | Death of a spouse |
| 2. | Divorce |
| 3. | Marital Separation or separation from a relational partner |
| 4. | Jail term |
| 5. | Death of a close family member |
The scale assigns numerical values to various stresses in life and if an individual has enough stressful events within a 12 month window to rocket the point value to over 300 points, there tends to be a strong correlation between high stress levels and illness due to stress.
I decided to ask the youth at The Refuge to take this survey to determine the level of stress in their lives. Of the 15 youth interviewed, every single individual scored well over 300. The lowest score was 372 and the highest was 627. From relational breakdown to pregnancy to living on the streets to parental conflict. Their lives are very stressful -- perhaps more stressful than to what you or I can relate. Is it any reason that the suicide rate amongst homeless and street youth is 40% higher than the norm for their age.
The question is, however, how do you handle stress? When there is no positive means to handle stress, many turn to alcohol, drugs, gangs, and the like. This is why it is so important that The Refuge is there for these young people.
The Refuge is a positive home for these young people ... a place where they can feel loved, accepted and belonging .... a place where they can talk through their stresses with positive individual who will give them, not only solid, Biblical based advice, but also a caring, empathetic, listening ear. The Refuge is ... well ... a refuge from the stresses they face daily in their lives.
You may think that we all have stress in live and that it is just the way things are. You and I have stresses and we seem to cope just fine. However, you and I (I hope) have others in our lives whom love and care for us to whom we can vent and from whom we can receive some healing from these stresses. When you have no 'home' to which you can go; when your family and friends have rejected you; when no one seems to care at all whether you live or die ... there is no healing from the stress and the pain associated with the stressors.
This is why it is so important that you partner with us in providing this loving home and community for these young people. Without it, these young people would be even more lost than they are today and our community would not be the same but worse.
With the slowdown in the economy, 2009 was a difficult year with regards to donations. By the end of the year, we fell slightly short of what we needed and, as such, cuts were made to our 2010 budget. However, I would like to invite you to be a part of helping to shape the future lives of hundreds of young people in our community. Would you help us continue strong with a financial gift of $100 or more?
The hundreds of homeless and street youth that come through our doors every month are not just statistics. They are real people with real stresses and real stories to tell. Crystal, Eric, Tony, Matt, Jenna, Nichole, Derek, Ashley and hundreds more find refuge from live in The Refuge. Please join us in providing this refuge for them.
|
|
|
